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GROWING up as a queer Asian person in Australia can be a unique and tiring ordeal.

Just as many discriminatory attitudes are more freely expressed on the internet, within LGBT communities, preferences against Asian men are sometimes expressed more easily online than many may be willing to do so face to face. After taking a professional and personal development course about inspiring change within communities, Ho chose to work on a project to address issues within the local gay Asian male community.

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It's not a dating site, and Ho does operate a separate website that is exactly that: When Ho who is of Chinese descent and is Malaysian-born but Vancouver-raised came out over 20 years ago, he found the local LGBT community to be a confusing and unwelcoming place. There's a lot of discrimination online; you go into bars, you're treated differently; and learning how to navigate that as a brand new gay newbie, coming out can be a little bit of challenge. He said he's heard numerous similar stories, and found that others have either developed coping strategies, given up and decided to remain alone, or simply continued to struggle.

In contrast, he added that he has also encountered others who haven't experience any issues at all.

How Online Racism Towards Gay Asian Men Affects IRL Dating - VICE

However, he also said that he does find racial discrimination in dating and socializing can be difficult to identify or pinpoint if it's done indirectly. He said he hopes someone else "who wants to explore this topic for themselves" will take over the website, as Ho has been in a longterm relationship for 20 years and is raising a son with his partner. Anyone interested in contributing their story to the website can visit the website for more information.

Sorry, but apologetic openings don't redeem you as a good human being. Short and to-the-point with why I wasn't wanted, I started feeling like the majority of guys didn't have any interest in me because I am Asian.

How Online Racism Towards Gay Asian Men Affects IRL Dating

Eventually became fed up and got off apps, and continue to put little effort in online dating. I recall the first few months being app-less, going out more with friends, not looking to hook-up, or even find Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet—just interacting with the gay community IRL to see what would or could happen.


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But even offline here in "progressive" Vancouver, the attitude towards gay Asian men is disappointingly reflective or a result of treatment received online. The one that still stands out for me to this day was when I met a guy through a friend, who I eventually asked out for coffee. When we were leaving, he said to me that he wasn't looking for anything more than being friends; that he was a no rice, no spice kinda guy when it came to intimate relationships.


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A phrase that is typically used online was said to me in-person with such casual bravado, and I was basically left speechless until after the fact where I thought of many worthwhile responses. This is a very blunt example of how online discrimination can be felt in real life, because as I spoke to other gay Asian men in Vancouver for this story they all touched upon that even though racism towards Asians is so upfront online, they've felt it in real life on a more subtle, but just as hurtful, level.

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For this reason, Alex, a year-old writer and first generation Chinese-Canadian said it makes discrimination more difficult to process and confront. If anything it's more subtle, more ambiguous," he told me.

see url But I'll notice, for example, white guys checking out other white guys. The way Asians are treated online informs Alex's reasons for feeling less desired. He says questions his own physical attractiveness in the eyes of white men, or wonders if he never catches a glance from someone simply because he's Asian.

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All the time. John Pachankis, a clinical psychologist and an associate professor at the Yale School of Public Health, has been studying the mental health of the LGBTQ community for 15 years and has recently started to explore the effects of gay dating apps.


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Pachankis and his team have conducted a series of experiments studying rejection and acceptance on these platforms and the impact these experiences have on gay men. Though the results are still under review, Pachankis found that rejection for gay men can be even more damaging when it comes from other gay men.

Gay Chinese couple talks about acceptance in US vs. China

But while Pachankis acknowledges there are negative aspects to gay dating apps, he cautioned against demonizing them. In many places around the world, he noted, these apps serve a crucial role in connecting LGBTQ individuals. Leandro Mena, a professor at the University of Mississippi Medical Center who has studied LGBTQ health for the past decade, said dating apps like Grindr may merely reflect the exclusion and segregation that already exists among gay men — and "society at large. Matt Chun, who lives in Washington, D.

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