Your values should be validated by your behavior. The only way to know this is to pay attention to consistent actions. Values can make or break a relationship, so slow down and pay attention not just to what someone says but what that person does. Please slooooow down! Having patience while dating is key, so instead of acting like two impulsive teenagers, take it slow and really get to know what and who you are getting into. Troy Spry is a certified life and relationship coach and the one and only "Reality Expert.
Visit him at xklusive5 or on Facebook. Men's Dating. Discuss This! Here are four reasons you should slow down: You only met the representative.
4. Your values may not align.
Many people in first world countries mindlessly eat because food is simply there. It's easier to do when you're stressed, but you need to remain vigilant. You also need to get the temptation of bad foods out of your house.
The only foods in my fridge are eggs And veggies. Even if I want something sweet, I don't keep it around.
- 3. You may have different intentions..
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It sucks, but it works. Now, to the real crux of your question. Using a dating app may not be the best option. I don't care which app you're using, the fact is that a lot of guys on dating apps are just looking to hook up. It's a given. Accept it and move on. It doesn't mean everyone is, but many are. Certain apps are more prone to hook ups than others.
I pretty much assume anyone on Growlr or Grindr wants sex. It's a generalization, yes, but it's based on my personal experience. I use Scruff. A lot of guys want hook ups there, too, but it seems to me like more are open to dating. You can also decrease the hook up pool by going to a pay for site like match. Again, there will always be guys who just want sex, but the likelihood decreases if you have to pay for the app because why pay for sex when you can get it for free on Grindr?
Now, how do you present yourself on the app? Do you have a profile picture? Face it, people are vain. They're less likely to respond to someone without a profile pic than someone with one. Is the profile pic a headless body shot?
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If I'm looking at your profile and see this, it tells me you're only interested in sex. If I'm looking for a date, I'm moving on. Most of the time I won't even click on a torso pic unless there's an interesting tattoo because I don't do hook ups. Is your picture a good picture of just you, or are your friends in it, too? If I can't figure out who you are, I'm less likely to talk to you. How do you describe yourself in your profile? If you've only filled out the bare minimum, it shows that you don't care, so why should I? It also tells me you're probably just trolling for sex.
If you're funny, let it show in your profile. If you're geeky, I should catch a glimmer of it there, too. You're selling yourself here. Make sure you sound interesting. Do you make the first move? It's really nice when the other guy strikes up a conversation, but most of the time it doesn't work that way. Fortune favors the bold, as they say.
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If you find a guy or ten you like, send them a message. This sounds obvious, but it's surprising how many guys won't make the first move.
And while we're at it, don't just say "hey" or "what's up? It's unoriginal and always elicits the following responses: Instead, show me that you're actually interested and took 2 minutes to actually read my profile because if you can't be bothered to take an interest in me, why should I take an interest in you? They scare the crap out of me, but I like watching with friends! What's your favorite? It tells me you actually read through my interests. More importantly, it spurs a conversation.
I have something to respond to. Always ask open ended questions. If I can answer with a yes or a no, assume I will and follow it up with a question that makes me write more than 2 words in reply. Instead of, "did you have a good time," ask, "what was your favorite part? I tend to respond to someone in kind. If they ask me engaging questions, I reply with engaging answers and in turn ask engaging questions back.
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If I just want a yes or no answer, I'll ask a magic eight ball. Seriously, if a guy answers my first three questions with fewer than 3 words, I stop replying. I have better things to do than teach him how to converse with me. Like wash my hair. Now that you're talking to a guy, how much do you reveal about yourself? Everyone like a mysterious guy, but I don't want to date a spy, and in the beginning, after I've decided I like you because you can carry on a basic conversation , I'm trying to make sure you're not a serial killer.
Stay true to who you are. Generally speaking, people like other people who are authentic. When we focus too much on this, we can lose ourselves in the process and end up having a pyric victory.
Do I like him — really? I fell for so many guys based on their physical appearance. For me, the more masculine and muscular the better. If the guy was packing major goods, even better. That may sound shallow but it was my truth. The end result was liking a guy for who he looked like instead of who he was. Did the guy flake out on that first date?
Does he want to meet at a bar? Is he into partying? If those things are not cool with you, it is OK with not taking things further. There is a reason you have an intuition. And here is a secret — having boundaries can be sexy and by extension, a sense of self-confidence. Dating really is a process that has a lot to do with numbers. In other words, the more dates you go on, the more opportunities you expose yourself to. As part of my own dating experiences, I went through a period where I got confused with dating and hookups. Sad to say but I probably ruined a lot of good opportunities by thinking I had to make sexual contact with a person in order for them to like me.
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